Omar is an openly gay therapist living in NYC.
He breaks down the systematic forces that many of his patients bring up, while reminding us that humor and self-worth can be our best tools in navigating the world.
First Person is PBS Digital Studios' digital exploration of gender identity and sexuality.
Season Three of the franchise features five short documentary style episodes on topics ranging from undocumented immigration, to trans youth and more.
Https://www.facebook.com/FirstPersonPBS
- Hey Mom, it's me.I know I called you.My mom basically told methat I was gay, and it wasa really great conversation.We were just chatting one day about life,and she asked me if I was dating anyone.And at the time, I was datingmy very first boyfriend.And so, in my head I was thinking,okay, this is it.She's asking me, okay, this is it.And so, she was like,are you dating anyone?And I said, yes, actually I am.And before I couldfollow that up with like,and his name is,she just goes, well,you can bring him overanytime you want.And that was it.Alright, bye Mom.I knew I wanted to be a therapistsince I was about five.So whenever my momwould take me to school,she would ask me the very stereotypical,well, what do you wantto be when you grow up,and I was always, I wantto be a psychologist.There I am, stuffing my face as usual,with fast food no less.I like to incorporatehumor into my sessions.I think laughter isreally, really important.Some folks, they get suspiciouswhen it comes to humor,especially in session,because it can be usedas an avoidance tacticor a coping mechanism.But I also think thathumor when used effectivelycan help with healing andcan help with processingdifficult information especially.I don't think I startedfeeling like an adultuntil I was 30.Then I was like, oh, I feellike a grown-up, sort of.I definitely like my hair better now.My desire to help definitelycame from a place of,on the surface, it came from a place ofI want to help people andI want to affect change.And I'm really interestedin human behavior.But I think underneath all of that,unbeknownst to me at the time,it was also, there was also a part of methat just wanted to know myself moreand that wanted to workthrough my own struggles,especially in terms of identity.And I knew that the pathto becoming a therapistwould help me figure that out.Oh, this comes with little sayings.I didn't know that.It says, love your soul.Love your soul.I knew that I was staring moreat the leading man in a movieor something like that,and I didn't have language for it.I didn't know what it was.But I knew that it was there,and I also knew that it wassomething that I needed to hide.It was something that I told myself,I can't share this with anyone.I work primarily with the LGBTQ populationnot because that wasnecessarily the only populationI wanted to work with.It just sort of naturallyhappened that way.Most of my clients are gay men.And most of the individualsthat reach out to mewant a clinician that can sort ofrelate to some of their experiences,and they also want a clinicianthat they don't have to sort of teach.So when a client comes in and they say,so I bottomed last night,I'm not like, what's that, tell me what.A lot of these clients like to be able tojust sort of talk freely about stuffwithout having to pause and say,that's what this means andthat's what that means.So lots of folks come in withissues around depression,anxiety, trauma, so everyone comes inwith sort of an idea of what's going onand what they want to talk about.But ultimately, all the conversationssort of end up in the same place,which is how do you see yourselfand how do you want others to see you,where have you been,what's your history like,and where do you want to go.And those conversationsrevolve a lot aroundsense of self, sense of self-worth.And you can't talk aboutyour own self-worthwithout talking about identity.So those conversations typicallycome up the most for mein session.This is my favorite part.And I care about people too,not just my hair.When talking about self-care,I like to ask the client,what does it look like for them.What does self-care mean to you?When you think of self-care,what comes up for you?What images come up for you?What thoughts come up for you?And then that's sort of how I tailorself-care practices to the client.And it can look,it can take many, many different forms,from giving yourself atimeout throughout the day,like 15 minutes to just sort of check outor again, take a walk, meditating,it can be going to the gym,it can be something creative,writing, painting, sculpting,and/or it can be somethingas seemingly simple astaking your lunch break.That's self-care,and it's shocking howmany people don't taketheir lunch breaks.I'm not too sure when I wouldhave started my own therapyhad it not been for mewanting to become a therapist.I think therapy is so important,and it doesn't have to lookthe way it might look on TV.It doesn't have to be youlaying down on a couchand sharing painful experiences.Therapy can also be a placefor you to ask questions.So I started my own therapy six years ago,and it wasn't until my own therapythat I talked about how being a Latin maleinfluences my experiences as being gay.And that was again really,really eye-opening,kind of relieving toobecause it felt like, oh,I can talk about this with someonethat isn't going to be afraidof having this conversation.And it felt kinda great,and it helped me feel not so alone also.It also opened my eyes to the factthat intersectionality is so importantand that it plays a rolein how I see the worldand in how the world sees me.Alright, I'll see you Tuesday at three.Okay, bye.My clients serve as a constant reminderthat we are resilient,that we are resourceful,that even when you'refeeling at your lowest,that we're going to be okay.And they remind me every day.They remind me of just how strong they areand that I can get through whatever bad,crappy day that I have,that I will be just fine.