Dear Abby: Student longs for hometown left behind

DEAR ABBY: I recently moved from the U.S. to Germany. It has been a big change, and I honestly don't know how to handle it. A lot of the kids at school make fun of me and call me names.

My family plans to stay here another two years. My parents say that when/if we move back to the United States, we won't return to our hometown. I find this very hard to accept because it was the only home I've ever known. I tried asking them if I could live with a friend there, but they always brush me off.

I don't want my family to worry about me since my mom is working hard going back to college, but keeping my feelings bottled up inside seems like the wrong choice. Should I tell them honestly how I feel or keep crying into my pillow every night? -- LOST AND DEPRESSED

DEAR LOST: Crying in your pillow every night isn't productive. You should ABSOLUTELY tell your parents everything you are experiencing -- that you are being bullied at school and made to feel you don't fit in, and that you miss your old hometown terribly. They might want to consult with the school administrator about it.

Geographical distance does not mean you must lose relationships forever. While moving back to the town you left may not be practical, you can keep in touch with your friends online and may eventually be able to visit them.

DEAR ABBY: A beautiful flower arrangement was delivered to me at my home today. While on the phone, I told my friend about the thoughtful gift and mentioned that my two cats wouldn't leave it alone. She said, "I hope there aren't any lilies in it!" There were, Abby -- white oriental lilies. I Googled it and discovered they are very poisonous to cats, although not to other animals. When I called the florist, they claimed not to know. Thought your readers should! -- LOVES MY FELINES

DEAR LOVES: I agree. And thank you for sharing that information. I learned from my own Google search that lilies are not the only flowers that are poisonous for pets. Azaleas, daffodils, amaryllis, chrysanthemums, tulips, oleander, hyacinth, English ivy, sago palm, cyclamen, autumn crocus, widow's thrill, hydrangea, aloe vera, caladium, pothos, philodendron, lily of the valley, castor bean, poinsettia, asparagus fern, peace lily and corn plants can be lethal as well. Kitty lovers, be warned!

DEAR ABBY: Is it possible for a single woman (me) to continue a neighborhood friendship with a widower who is now dating a woman? He shared homemade soup with me weekly, leaving it at my door, and occasionally we would have tea together on our decks. I feel awkward; he does not. Should I go with my gut? -- STUMPED IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR STUMPED: It would be a shame to lose a good friend. Talk to him about the awkwardness you are feeling. Perhaps it can be resolved. However, if it can't, then follow your instincts and step back.

Man takes umbrage at women who are stingy with thanks

DEAR ABBY: I am a male reader with a complaint. Have you noticed that women hardly ever compliment men? On ANYTHING! They expect men to compliment them but never reciprocate.

If you move furniture, take them out for a nice dinner, buy tickets to their favorite show, buy them a gift, they don't have enough manners or couth to say thank you or express appreciation. Getting a compliment is like pulling teeth from a great white shark while he's feeding.

Don't women ever think, "Maybe I should say something to HIM instead of expecting him to say it to me"? Where do they learn this behavior? Are they taught this growing up? Or do they just not care or even realize? -- SHAKING MY HEAD IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR SHAKING: My late mother, God rest her soul, once commented to me that people with "class" never use that word. In this case, I will make an exception and tell you that individuals of both sexes who have class were taught from early childhood the magic words "please" and "thank you," and to express gratitude.

I don't know what kind of women you are involved with, but I'm suggesting it is time to upgrade the quality. Do not spoil anyone who isn't willing to spoil you right back.

DEAR ABBY: I've been going to the same poke joint for more than five years now. Several of the employees have worked there for years. I feel at this point, I should know their names, but they don't wear name tags, and I'm embarrassed to ask what their names are after so many years. They don't know mine either, but they know enough about me to ask how my son is doing or how my work is going.

I like calling people by their names, but I'm a little shy and awkward and don't know how to ask.

Should I just keep our weekly (sometimes bi-weekly) exchanges at surface-level chitchat without worrying about what their names are? -- FRIENDLY IN THE WEST

DEAR FRIENDLY: You can certainly do that. It has worked for you so far. However, if you would like to know the employees' names, just say that you are "terrible with names, and embarrassed to even have to ask after all this time, but ... what is your name? My name is (insert name)."

DEAR ABBY: I'm getting married next month, and I'm so nervous. What can I do to not be scared? -- COLD FEET IN FLORIDA

DEAR COLD FEET: I wish you had been more forthcoming about what you are worried about. Is it the wedding ceremony and your wedding day? If that's the case, have faith that you and your fiance will make it through together because you WILL. Is it your wedding night? A talk with your doctor should allay your fears.

Is it that you are unsure about the person you are marrying? If that's the case, postpone the wedding and schedule premarital counseling for you and your intended. In some religions, the clergy recommend this type of counseling so issues like money and child-rearing can be discussed and not cause serious problems later.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.