Dear Abby: Man wants to meet newfound half-sisters
DEAR ABBY: My father, who has been gone for 40 years, had many good qualities, and he provided well for our family. I loved him and treasure many of the memories I have of my time with him. However, his deep-seated lechery overwhelmed his life and destroyed what might have been an idyllic '50s youth for me. It caused great pain and embarrassment to my mother, my sister and me.
I recently received communication from four different half-sisters I didn't know of who discovered our kinship through DNA tracking. I am indisposed to a reunion. I may have felt differently at one time, but I am 81 now. I no longer travel and am leaning more toward releasing relationships than making new ones. My wife has had a stroke, so we pretty much confine our entertaining to our children and grandchildren.
I deeply regret any pain my father's libidinous nature has caused, but I am not inclined to spend time dealing with the results of his affairs. I don't want to be cold. They seem nice, but it's too late in the game for me. Do you agree? -- ANCIENT HISTORY
DEAR HISTORY: I do agree. Because your father's flings caused you, your mother and your sister pain and embarrassment, I see no reason for you to engage with these individuals if you don't wish to. That said, if they have questions about your father's medical history that could be relevant to them, consider providing the answers.
DEAR ABBY: My brother and his wife have been married for 40 years. They moved out of state 10 years ago. We no longer get together for holidays, and the only time I talk to my brother is when it concerns our parents (whom I take care of).
Two years ago, my sister-in-law informed me that she never really cared for me and has issues with my family. When I asked her why, she accused me of being a liar. I don't know why she feels this way. I talked to my brother about it, and his answer was vague.
Although my sister-in-law has issues, she still wants to exchange birthday and Christmas presents. I am finding it difficult to purchase a gift for someone who doesn't care for me. Is there a nice way to say I no longer want to exchange gifts and would rather we just exchange cards? I don't want to cause another family feud. -- CURTAILING IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR CURTAILING: You should have stopped the gift exchange two years ago when your sister-in-law told you she had never really cared for you. Tell your brother you no longer feel the joy in it that you did before his wife told you what she did and that you would prefer to send cards from now on. Don't worry about causing another family feud. Your family is already fractured, and I doubt that once your parents are gone, he and his wife will be sticking around, so don't be surprised when it happens. You are a good daughter, and you have my sympathy.
DEAR READERS: Tonight is Halloween. I hope that any celebration you have is creative, fun and SAFE in accordance with the guidelines and conditions in your location. Happy Halloween, everyone!
In addition, Daylight Saving Time ends at 2 a.m. Sunday. Don't forget to turn your clocks back one hour at bedtime tonight. And while you're at it, be sure to change the batteries in your fire alarms and smoke detectors. -- LOVE, ABBY
DEAR ABBY: My mother died two years ago. Both of my parents traveled extensively before their declining health prevented it. They purchased a prepaid cremation package that included shipping the cremains back to their home.
My mother was cremated, but we had to wait more than six weeks for her cremains so we could have a funeral. Waiting for the funeral devastated my dad.
While he was able to communicate and make decisions, he stated that he did not want to be cremated. So I took Dad to a funeral home and selected a funeral package that included a traditional burial, and called to cancel the cremation package. My sibling, who is the power of attorney, talked him out of it and reactivated the package!
Now my father has been diagnosed with severe dementia and cancer. We don't know how long he has, but I'm concerned that his final wishes won't be followed. If he is cremated, I am considering skipping his funeral. How can I get through to my sibling that this was wrong, and I won't be a part of not following his wishes? -- NOT WHAT HE WANTED
DEAR NOT: Your father appointed your sibling to be his power of attorney for a reason. I will assume that your father was in his right mind when he decided that he wanted to be cremated after all. I think it would be in your interest to calmly discuss this with your sibling and find out why your father changed his mind after telling you he preferred to be buried. Could the reason have been financial, that burials are expensive and he wanted to leave more to his children? You won't know until you ask.
If you do not attend your father's funeral service, I am concerned that it will cause a permanent rift in the family and be something you may regret for the rest of your life.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I took in our almost 20-year-old step-grandson, "Philip." He has been with us almost a year. He was really appreciative when he moved in and when my husband helped him get a car.
Philip has said in the past that my husband's political views scare him, and I can understand that. Today when my husband and I were at lunch, he mentioned that when Philip came in this morning, he ignored him. My husband asked me if he had done something wrong, so I explained the political thing.
I can understand the difference in political views. What I can't understand and don't know how to handle is the sudden show of disrespect. This isn't the first time my husband has mentioned this to me, and it's not the first time I have brought it to Philip's attention. -- KEEPING THE PEACE IN ARIZONA
DEAR KEEPING: Allowing yourself to be the go-between apparently hasn't worked, so step out of the middle. Tell your husband the next time your step-grandson is rude that HE should take it up with the young man.
Philip has enjoyed your hospitality for nearly a year, and what he's doing is not only rude but also ungrateful. Because the reason for his behavior is your husband's political beliefs, he needs to realize that your husband's views are as valid as his are. Philip should either find a better way to deal with it or move.
Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.